The Industry of Replacing Your Hand

Fucking Jada though heat induced gear manipulated robotic penis chamber encapsulation.

The FiFi

I know that we're all waiting for the promised fabled time in the distant future when we can buy our robot girlfriends from the local Kmart. Unfortunately, now is not that time, and we're left to our own devices. Over the years, this need has taken many forms, including the local neighbor's goat. This lead to massive goat protests and scorn by the neighbors, so this practice was mainly given up outside of the state of Alabama. Yet the need to replace the hand was still there because there was a near fatal condition that was on the rise called carpal tunnel syndrome, which would render the second mo+st important part of the body nearly immobile. ( for those who are wondering, the first most important body part is the foot, used for kicked the goats that rat on you to their owners )

So what's a man to do?

Well this is where the well oiled machine of the porn industry comes to the rescue. There are tons of replacement parts that have a lot of people satisfied with the state of the industry today. Things like the AutoBlow and Fleshlight are just the beginning of the road that is long and filled with industrial accidents. But what if you want something else? Something that you don't have to do anything. Something that you could, with the right amount of alcohol, start to think that there's actually someone else in the room? Well the industry is working on that very thing..

The Realtouch


I don't know if I want my penis that close to so many moving parts

The Realtouch, or what I like to call, the eunuczisor, is one of the first machines that you stick your dick in, and it's 'tuned' to the program that you're watching on your computer. So in theory, if the woman in the porn scene ( and they have big stars like Jada Fire and Asa Akira ) is pushing up, then the machine will make a similar 'motion' to simulate the actions that are being displayed. Personally, I don't know if I would be too quick to stick my dick in this, but judging by the amount of posts on the forums, there's quite a few guys that are willing to try. If you're going to go down this road though, you might want to hit up the forums for a minute and check out the Tech Support Forum. Apparently, there's a lot of ripping and tearing going on.

But I Don't Have a Million Dollars!

Don't worry about it. We've got you covered. There are plenty of options that you can look at that only use common household items. The first, and really the best of them all, is called The FiFi. If you want to know how to make one, it's incredibly simple, and this man can explain it far better than I can. The only thing that I would add to it, is if you put the towel in the dryer for a few minutes before hand, you'll be cleaning up a mess in no time! Now you might look at me a think to yourself, 'but that's so primitive!' I know, I know, if you're not going to use something that plugs in, then what the fuck is the point? That's where brains and ingenuity have to make an appearance. Now I don't think you're going to have a 2-cycle motor laying around your house, but if you do.. What ever you decide to go with, just make sure it's not going to rip your dick off.

Check out the Hand Job Auditions review on RexMag to find out more about this site!

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