Tighter than a duck's ass

Track star Lori 'Lolo' Jones recently was featured in an interview on the HBO show Real Sports where she was talking about her life training for the Olympic games. This isn't anything really different. An athlete being interviewed by a sports program isn't revolutionary. The thing that made the internet jump up and take notice though, was what was said during that interview. That at the age of 29, she was alone and still a virgin.

Lolo Jones
What a waste..

While not that unusual for many people, ( hell, I have a few friends that are in their 30s and still virgins ) the difference with Lolo is that she's good looking. And not only she good looking, she seems somewhat normal. The difference is, she's one of those people that is giving a gift to her husband, by saving it for marriage and she's actually making it. It's been my experience that as soon as one of those purity rings goes on, the cherry's life span is shortened by a power of 10.

You you might be thinking, 'OK Rex, here we go.. lay into her'. But that's not really why I wanted to talk about this. I totally respect her decision to save her cherry for marriage, even though I completely disagree with it. What I wanted to talk about, is why I completely disagree with it.

Everyone gets a bad lay

Everyone once and a while in their life, beds down with that certain someone that just isn't worth the trouble. Mine was the second girl that I had ever slept with. Now, I'm not saying that I'm God's gift to women or anything, ( we all know about the curse of the Irish ) but some people just aren't that compatible with other people. This girl was like fucking a dead fish. Just laid there and looked off to the side, like she was embarrassed. Maybe she was.. Hell if I know. But around the 5th time we had sex, I started comparing it to jerking off, with the only difference is that I wasn't the one cleaning up. The girl was a princess, it's just that the sex wasn't good. Imagine if we got married first? That's a life not worth leading.

She's built this shit up

You would have to be Rock Johnson himself to be able to keep up with this girl's expectations. She probably thinks that the first night is going to be this romantic night of candles and promises. When you know as well as I do, the first night usually goes one of two ways. A drunken hot mess of sweat and love juice, with you wondering if you're going to have to be the one that sleeps in the wet spot. Or a sober apology fest where your main goal is to make as few mistakes as possible so you get to do it again very soon. No one is going to be able to live up to whatever vision she has in her head.

The one true love problem

Have you ever seen a girl around the guy she first gave it up to? She acts one of two ways.. Either the guy is a golden god who can do no wrong, and you fucking hate the guy because you can never replace him in her mind, or, she fucking hates him and everything he stands for. Now, Lolo will never allow herself to hate her husband, so she's going to be attached to him like a tick on a dog. And who the fuck would marry a girl like that? Once she drops the who Olympic dream, she's going to need someone to fill that hole, and guess who it's going to be. No cherry is worth that price.

I think the only real way that it's going to work is if she finds another 30 year old virgin and the can attach on to each other and the world can just forget about them. And then he would be the one to discover her 50+ Dragon Dildo collection and realize she's probably de-flowered herself back in '94.

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User Comments

jessie
jessie Said...
mmmmmmmmmmm
May 24, 2012 at 11:30 PM





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