Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones

Emilia Clarke

Now that Game of Thrones is back in full swing, we're lucky enough to have the pleasure of a show that's not afraid to have it's women get naked every other second. Remember the good old days of the 70's movies when if you saw a girl in the beginning of the movie, you knew you had about an 80% chance that you were going to see her naked at some point. Game of Thrones is kind of like that, but the chances tend to vary a little bit more. You really have to judge the situation by one, how well the actress is known, by how good looking she is, and then factor in the 'status' of the character she's playing. Somewhere in there, you're going to get your chances of seeing tits.

Let's start off with the most deciding factor of them all.. is the actress good looking? This really dominates the standings. If the actress is good looking, I'm going to give you a 50% chance that you're going to be seeing some tits. At least you're going to be getting a quick ass shot à la NYPD Blue. Now, if the actress is on the scale from average to bad, the producers are wise enough to just skip over them completely and spare us all the misery. Although, they have skipped over a few that I would have liked to get a peek at, like Michelle Fairly. Even though she's closing in on 50, she was hot ( and nude ) 20 years ago in the mini-series Comics, and I might have appreciated an update. ( you can start judging me now )

The second deciding factor is, is the actress well known? I've had this little theory that I've been working on for a few years now. In order for an actress to break into the business, there's two main gateways for her to go through. It's either doing a nude scene, or being on a show that's either sci-fi or fantasy. Let's face it, good looking actresses are a dime a dozen in Hollywood, but the two places good looking actress balk at is one, doing a nude scene, and two doing sci-fi. What it really boils down to is, the actress doesn't want all those men jerking off to her. But that's exactly what the industry is looking for. So until the actress has enough of a following to get in a love story opposite Cary Grant, or whoever the current guy of the week is, they get stuck with doing what the industry really needs them to do. Nude scenes and sci-fi/fantasy. And Game of Thrones has plenty of room for women in both categories.


Lena Headey

The third factor in deciding if you're going to get to see the woman's tits is, what is her character's 'status' on the show? This is a kind of weird for this one, because the peaks aren't in the middle of the social scale, like one would think, but on both ends of the social scale. Let's start at the bottom.. prostitutes. If the woman on the show is playing a prostitute, you've got a 99.9% chance that you're going to be seeing her tits. And probably for most of the scene. And the same goes for the other end of the scale. If the woman is playing a countess or some shit, it drops to about a 60% chance, but still a fairly good chance. Now in the middle of the social standings is where it starts to get a little fuzzy. Say the character is a former prostitute, turned nurse maid.. you're not looking at a very good chance of seeing anything. Even if the actress is good looking. It's a bitch, but that's the way the show rolls.

So if we put all of that information together, you start to form a little equation that you can work out in your own head while you watch the show. It goes a little something like this. Scenario 1.. A girl walks in the room with her tits out, that you've never seen before. 10 to 1, her character is a prostitute. Scenario 2.. A girl walks into the room clothed, that you've never seen before. She's good looking and you don't recognize the actress from anything else you've seen. That's putting your chances of seeing her tits at about 60% - 70%. That's good. Uh-Oh.. she's introduced as a butcher's wife! That's going to knock your chances down a good 40%. Once you're good at it, and can predict the chances of seeing someone's tits with regularity, turn it into a drinking game. It's more fun that you might think.

Three of my favorite women of Game of Thrones.


Roxanne McKee

There's three women in this show that are my current favorites, but if you've watched Game of Thrones at all, you know that everyone will eventually die, and so these are subject to change as season 2 wears on. First and foremost is one Ms Emilia Clarke who plays the character Daenerys Targaryen. Chances of seeing her tits: 100%. They show this girls tits so much, you'd think they're in the credits. Unfortunately, as season one went on, they were seen less and less. Hopefully it will pick back up again in season two.

Second is Lena Headly, who was also in the movie 300. That fact alone is going to knock your chances of seeing tits down to about 10%. I'm still holding out a little hope for this one, because she's done some weird angle sex scenes in the show so far, but I also think that if we were ever going to see them, I think it would have happened by now. It's really too bad because she's sexy as hell.

Third is Roxanne McKee who I never heard of before, and because of that gave me high hopes at seeing her tits. Then I found out that her character was a former prostitute, and that gave me even more hope. But a 90% chance is still not 100% and it turned out that they use a lot of fancy camera angles and her long hair to hide her tits from us. Still, the scene where she teaches Emilia Clarke how to make love, puts her squarely in my top three.

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