Dirty Wives Club - Heather Vahn

Dirty Wives Club - Heather Vahn

I would have to say that it's been about three or four years since I've actually read anything online. As with most people, I've learned long ago that reading never actually got you anywhere in life, and reading something that's been posted online actively pulls you further away from life goals while you're reading it. It's a phenomenon called O'Reillying. It's where meaningless things in life draw your attention away from the more meaningful things, like porn and pizza. And once you get into the pull of reading things on the internet, it starts to not be enough. You start to want more.. but how do you get more? You can't read everything on the internet. That's just too many words..

So you do what never should be done. You start to write things on the internet. And take my word for it, once you start writing things on the internet, you whole world collapses in upon itself. It's like the Titanic, but your soul is the boat, and the iceberg is the internet, and it hits you right in the taint. And you spring a leak that you don't want to tell anyone about because it's embarrassing as fuck. So you just sit there like an idiot and pretend it's not happening for a while but someone eventually notices that your taint is leaking your soul on the ground.

And they say, 'Hey, you might want to get off the internet, unless you're looking at porn, because that will tear a hole in your taint that's soo big..'.

And you want to ask, 'But how big are we talking about?', but you're so afraid of the answer you just keep the words inside. But the question keeps rolling, and rolling in your head like the film that you saw last week of that chick blowing a horse, and you can never get it out. So you push it, way down in your gut. Because you have the faint hope that the question will leak out of your taint just as your soul did so many years ago. But it never does. It just festers there, like a bad order from Burger King. But the other Burger King is in the next town over, so you just keep going back to the first Burger King in the hopes that that guy isn't working today. But you walk in, and he's there.. And you order something anyway.

And the only lesson you learn is, 'Why the hell am I reading all of this when there's porn to be looking at!?'.

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