80s Stars I'd Still Bang

Mistress of the Dark

Elvira

Think about this for a second. 1992 was 20 years ago. That's a real kick in the side of the head, huh? That means, the women that I'm about to talk about, were famous before some of you reading this right now were even born. Now that you've all rapped your minds around that, let's talk about the women that we would still actually stick our dicks in if the opportunity arose. I like to preface all of this by saying, I'd pretty much stick my dick in anything, and a lot of this might be based on nostalgia, so your list might vary greatly to mine.

Cassandra Peterson - Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

Being that it is Friday the 13th today, I thought I would start off with one of the classic scream queens of the 80s, Elvira. The woman that taught me what cleavage was all about still has all the good in all the right places. In fact, I think I would do her faster now, at the ripe old age of 60, ( fuck, she's really 60?! ) than I would have while she was in her prime. I was never really into the whole Goth thing, and for me, her natural hair is ten times better than the wig she was trying to pull off back in the day. ( If the last few sentences has solidified me as retarded in your eyes, stop reading now, because it's not going to be getting better )


Cybill Shepard

Cybill Shepard

Star of such shows like Moonlighting and the self titled Cybill, Cybill Shepard was a long time TV star that made many men think, 'Bruce, why don't you just fuck her and get it over with?'. But the TV is not where I first fell in love with her. The movie Chances Are with Robert Downey Jr is where the real Mrs Robertson character came out and defined the MILF character before anyone knew what the term MILF even meant. Why the hell would I bang her now? Well, mainly it's all about her looks for me. her body was never great, so it really has to hinge on that doesn't it? So banging old Cybill Shepard is about 50% as good as banging young Cybill Shepard. And that's good enough for me.

Joanna Kerns


Joanna Kerns

The hottest woman in my life at the height of my pubescent stage was not the girl next door, or even at the local school. She was a lot closer than that. She was in my living room every day after I got home from school. She was the mother character Maggie on the family show Growing Pains. That woman basically made me make my couch my bitch. I humped that thing almost every day to her and Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge. But Joanna was definitely the main attraction. Although, now that I think about it, Nicole Eggert is one pretty hot bitch, then and now. It's too bad that her career didn't go further. Anyone have any other's that they want to add to the list?

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