St. Patty's Day and the Art of Avoiding Luggage

St. Patty's Day and the Art of Avoiding Luggage

Well, tomorrow is the holiday where all of the roookie drinkers come out to play, St. Patrick's Day. And besides the hordes of college aged light weights falling all over themselves, you're going to get a little something that the holiday is really all about.. the women wearing the Kiss Me, I'm Irish T-shirts. Now, as you know, if a guy is wearing a Kiss Me, I'm Irish T-shirt, that means he's gay, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Gay guys need drunk sex too. But the treasure is when you find a girl wearing one. Being that St. Patrick's Day is on a Friday this year, if you find a girl with one of those shirts on, you could probably stretch what would normally be a one night stand, into a weekend long drunken fuck fest if you play your cards right.

Now, I obviously have no idea how to play those cards right, or I wouldn't be one of the leading world experts on internet porn. But, having worked as a bartender for several years, I can pretty much guarantee that any girl wearing a Kiss Me, I'm Irish T-shirt is only there for one reason, and getting drunk is only a way to make that happen faster.

As a tip for drinking tomorrow night, I just want to add what I've learned working in a bar for the better part of a decade. There's two rules that are pretty good guides to make sure nothing gets in the way of you having a good time, and maybe getting your pickle wet. One is don't be luggage, but almost just as important as that, don't carry luggage. The first one is obvious. Don't be so drunk you can't handle yourself. No one wants to deal with that guy, especially a girl you've just met. It makes everyone uncomfortable.. you're going to get a bad rep.. and it's just a bad look all around.

But what's almost just as important as that is is, don't carry luggage. There was a legend at the bar I worked at, who was a guy who pretty much slept with a different girl every weekend of his life. He would come in with his friends and go home with a girl. That was the pattern. And the line that is going to be written on that man's tombstone is "He's fine.".

Hey, I think your friend is throwing up in the bathroom.. "He's fine." Hey, I think your friend is getting into a fight outside.. "He's fine." Hey, I think your friend is face down in the fountain outside.. "He's fine."

The man was a master of not letting anything get between him and pussy. It was truly an art.

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