The 4th is Cumming...

The 4th is Cumming...

We're getting close to America's favorite holiday, The 4th of July. The one holiday where it's not only accepted, but expected that you get drunk and blow shit up with fireworks. As a bonus, God has seen fit to have it on a Monday this year, so we're all going to get to have a long weekend of drunkenness and feel patriotic while we're doing it. It's truly great stuff. Those who benefit the most from the holiday though, are the soldiers. If you're in the military, and you can't get laid on the 4th, there's something seriously wrong with you. Forget all the family picnics, and the fireworks show.. just put on the uniform and hit the local bars, and deposit as much semen as you can on as many faces as you can. That's really how to serve the country.

If you need a step by step on what to do, let's take a look at this instructional film made by the lovely people at Porn Pros. Your teacher today happens to be the amazing Dillion Harper and her amazing ass. Now, if you watch the video closely, like I have many times, you'll notice that Dillion runs right up to the soldier and tries to jump directly onto his cock. But being clothed, it didn't work out. Don't be surprised if this happens to you during the night. It's completely normal in bar situation for soldiers, but be warned, you want to have a strong back. It usually happens with fatties, and you're going to have to use your close quarter combat skills to fight them off.

Now you might be thinking, 'but I'll settle for a fatty'. And I only have one answer for that.. NO! No fatties on the 4th! This is your time to shine. This is the one day a year where you get first picks. Not even other guys are going to try to cock block you. Shoot for above your pay grade. Fuck women that you have no business fucking on any other day. Steal a shirt with your buddies name on it just in case they get pregnant. Go crazy. It's the fucking 4th!

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